Mom life – LifeLight

Living Through A Pandemic

This has been a long and unprecedented year so far. Had someone predicted people would feel safe sitting at home for days on end I would have laughed to their face.
Still here we are and not even feeling “holed up” (most of the time). Venturing out with our faces covered and scurrying about to get back to the safety of our homes.

How do you keep your sanity and find the will to keep doing the same things again and again in a monotonous routine? With no end to this pandemic in sight how are we primary care givers surviving?

HOW IT HAS BEEN:

I cannot give any pointers on how to survive but can share my own experience.

In December somewhere a Pandora’s box was opened and what followed changed the world.

March brought with it the rigmarole of disbelief, frustration, confusion and more disbelief followed by the sense of impending doom that still ceases to go away.
Then began the baking, cooking, freezing and frying. All on a loop. Though the trying new recipes part of the pandemic is so over it gave me some added cooking skills.

By the end of March our houses, cars and hands all sparkled, all the time. The compulsive cleaning of everything and anything entering my home can put even the best of cleanliness experts to shame.

May brought the realization that what began as a small time adventure is here to stay for the long haul. Now we turned to the internet for some more diversion. Movies not watched, shows that we never found the time for got some attention. My trusty old friends “books” helped cope.

By June most of us had resigned to our fate. One thing that I discovered is a mother’s anxiety can peak even when she feels this is the absolute pinnacle.
Now you might wonder what after June, after all this is September? After June, nothing. It has all been the same a blur of indecision and more anxiety.

SOMETHING POSITIVE:

What can be positive when all around there is chaos and sadness? I’m most grateful for our family being together and safe.

Most of us have started appreciating what really matters and what is non-essential. Humans have shown a new level of resilience and determination. One thing that is worth the mention people have finally started getting a hang of social distancing.

Children surprised us by their capability to adapt to this overwhelming situation. Mine even seem to enjoy it at times which just makes me sigh.

For me the most difficult part has been not able to see my parents in the longest time. There have been families stuck in different countries due to the suddenly imposed lockdowns. Our mental health is at a state that can only be summarized in a book or two.

The uncertainty of the future is scary. The world fighting a microscopic enemy is still diligently working for a miracle. What we can hold on to is hope. Till then laugh at whatever tickles you and take it one day at a time.

Let there be heaven!!

There is happiness and then there is heaven.Happiness in this world and heaven in the next.The search for these two is so ongoing and endless that the lines have blurred,where the search ends and the real thing begins.

There are people who would laugh and smile for no particular reason.On a crappy day, we all have sometimes wondered “what are you so happy about?”.While on other days I would look up at a grumpy face and think “what are you so vexed about?” The truth is are not we all,in a way or the other,being searching for the ever eluding “perfect world”.

My train of thought went on this track when my son asked me “Where do people go when they die?” The answer is obvious “Heaven”.

As expected,pop came the next question “Where is heaven?”, and then in the same breath “Can people take their iPhones with them.”( I know people,kids think iPhones are a vital organ).Well, answer to the latter was easy “No”.But the answer to the former is a bit fuzzy,so I try my best “It’s supposed to be a beautiful place,where everyone is happy,healthy etc.It’s supposed to be the happiest place”.This was followed by a million other questions,I won’t go into that.

I’m sure this is a question that millions of kids have asked and would keep doing so,but the answers would still be fuzzy.

At this point I got to thinking about happiness,it just might be around us somewhere.So I tried looking for some and I found this.

For me happiness is a beautiful day at the park.Sitting under a beautiful tree,with the person I love.Birds chirping and kids playing around.Breeze in my hair and sunshine on my face.

Happiness is driving around the city after a nice dinner,some golden music.Happy kids in the backseat,not cranky or complaining for once.

Happiness is a trip to the mountains with the family.Staying in a crappy hotel with bad tea and worse food. But all that I can recall of the trip is the laughter and good time.

Happiness is the beach,waves washing over my feet.Turning my face up to the amazingly blue sky and closing my eyes for a minute,perfect solitude.

Happiness is visiting my parents one more time, with the people I love.Sitting in my favourite chair with a cup of tea and watching the whole family bicker,yet again.

Happiness is laughing heartily with my sisters,over some silly nonsense.Talking through the night but never agreeing on anything.

Happiness is all this and much much more.In the everyday ongoing struggle of life,if I have been in all these places even for a few moments then I’m grateful for it. If heaven is the happiest place that can be then I have been there and I hope and pray for more.

Rather than trying to find the fuzzy answers or run after the ever eluding happiness, let us seize all those moments of happiness that are trying to find us everyday and we might have been too busy to stop and reflect on them.

Let us find our own heaven and bask in it. If heaven is the happiest place then let there be happiness, let there be heaven.

The friends I will always have!!

As they say “Lucky are those who have a family”.

I would like to add “Luckier are those who have a family and some friends”..

Friends are like those gifts that you keep collecting along the way,some you treasure while others filed away in memory somewhere.People you meet in the unlikeliest of manners, people you don’t even like initially, turn out to be the best of friends and confidantes.

These days there is this trend of “BFF,s” everywhere,initially I was baffled by it but overtime I got a hang of it and wondered ” where are my bff’s??? Do I even have any??”I mean,where are those people I can tag in my pictures and label as my bff’s??But then,are friendships only valid and valued if displayed and announced,time and again ..Maybe..

Often I think of the friends I have, some who were at one stage or the other such an integral part of my life,some who just drifted apart and some names i even struggle to recall. But amid all these are those friends that I know I will always have.Those who I might not see for years,go months without talking,but I know are just a call or message away.

Friends from the different stages of life.

Like,the friend who was with me since the first day of school.Had our share of fights,struggles of growing up and things in life going wrong.Going our own ways and after years the friend who turned up on my birthday,unannounced,bringing me a beautiful gift.Not having met each other for years,still a precious friend.

The friend who I met in an alien world,college.The friend I shared all my fears and smiles with,over tea and her beautiful laugh.I’m sure our small hometown would still remember the time we shared,not caring about the high tides of life awaiting us. We go months without talking and nothing changes.

A couple of friends who had my back when I was trying to find my footing in a new company. They helped me,guided without complaining and till today would defend me in my absence.Always in touch.

Life keeps on changing and I was a new mom trying to cope with so many changes all of a sudden.Then a stranger moves in with her family,in the apartment opposite mine.The person I’m so apprehensive about,I don’t even give her a second thought,turns out to be my best guide,confidante and anchor in the newfound land of motherhood.With her own super busy life she always had time for me,still does.We might occasionally forget each other’s important dates but stay the same.

Then there are those friends who I think about and smile.From the first day we met they had a kind word,a helping hand. Not having met in forever,now living continents apart,these successful women are still the same,just being my friends.

I hope the people I talk about here might be able to find themselves in these words and share my smiles.I hope they know how much I appreciate them.I know these are the guys who will always be in my corner,rooting for me.

Friends that I may never have labeled as “best friends “,”casual friends ” or “friends like family”.Never felt the need to do so.

These are the friends I know I will always have. I wish,bff’s or not, may we all have some such friends in our lives,always. The friends that we will always have.

“Working” mom..

The other day at the supermarket,with my three year old perched on the shopping trolley,I was trying to rush through my weekly shopping list.Now, as moms all around the world would know,this is no easy task and the moment you are done,another whole list of things need buying.

So, there I was,at 6 in the evening in my semi- zombie state. I was zigzagging through the aisles,ignoring the constantly complaining child and trying to avoid trampling people under my trolley.I hear my name being called and turn around just to make sure.In the crowd of shoppers I spot a familiar looking face,I take a few seconds to recognize her as a lady I know through my son’s school. Her child goes to the same class as my son and we have met in open houses and PTA meetings.We even arranged a few play dates for our kids, that is,until I found her parenting techniques a bit questionable ( I can get on my high horse like that sometimes).

This lady works at an insurance firm and whatsapp’s me from time to time about school stuff.As she walked towards me I sigh and mentally prepare for all the questions about the,soon to be submitted,school project. Dressed in smart formalwear, not a hair out of place and not a kid in tow, she was all smiles.We got talking and after a few minutes of meaningless conversation,she asked me ” So you are still not working,right?”I assure you, this topic has been covered between her and me, more times than I care.Mostly , to this question, I would smile and answer “No”. But this particular day, with one eye and ear on the constant whining child, I felt irritated, very very irritated.

I asked her “Do you see me in a dress with my hair all glossy and a drink in my hand?”. I continued “Do u also hear the music and can u see the beautiful food( not cooked by me) on the table?”.Trust me, she was spooked by this time. “Tell me, do u like the lighting?” I asked. I kept staring at her waiting for her response, she stammered,looking around “No!!”.I say, very calmly “So, you see,I AM WORKING!!”, and I turn my trolley around and walk away leaving her open mouthed in the middle of aisle number 5 “household cleaning and detergents”..

But later in the evening it got me thinking,why are we stay-at-home mothers so looked down upon by the “working ” mothers?Ask me “am I working in a professional capacity?” But don’t question me about “working”, when all I do is work.

Yes,I am a stay at home mom. Yes, I quit my job during my first pregnancy. Yes,I always meant to start “working”, but couldn’t find it in my heart to leave my infant son.After a few years my daughter came along,and I just continued to be “non-working “.

Some might wonder what is the big deal about a simple question that has been posed to so many women, so many times.True,no big deal. The thing is this question should not be asked, especially with words dripping sarcasm,to people who do nothing but work( quite often a thankless job).

Do we get paid? Not exactly!!

Duty hours??Anyone who has cleaned poop and vomit at 3:30 in the morning would know.

Leaves?Hell,no!! But we would like some.

Deadlines?Try turning a shoe box into a house,with only some coloured paper at hand.You see,kids just remember to tell u this stuff at 10:30 in the night.It needs to be ready by 6:00 in the morning.

Dress in the morning and have adult conversation all day is my idea of mini heaven.

This is just a small insight into my “non-working ” life. The list is endless.

By now some of you might be wondering is this my frustration and anger about being stuck at home all day. No, this is my frustration at being judged for my choices.My choices don’t make me any less smarter.

I look at you and respect you.How you juggle it all, work, home ,kids. I admire your strength,your resolve. I don’t question your choice of leaving your only child in the care of a stranger or not making it to any sports day,ever.This is your choice and it works for you.

Staying at home all day and turning into a crazy woman by 9:00 pm (everyday) is my choice and I stand by it.This is not about one choice being better than the other. It’s only about doing to the best of our abilities, what is best for our families.

So my friend if you cannot come to terms with my “not-working”, keep it to yourself.Next time you question me about it at, let me warn you, I will again leave you open mouthed in aisle number 5 and March right back to my “non-working” life..